Smiles Meyer's Rorschach Test Inspired Portraits with the Petzval 80.5 Art Lens

Smiles Meyer is a California-based photographer who uses the art "as a form of self- preservation and cognitive escapism."

With a love for the variety of differences between all humans, their latest photo series "What Do You See In Me?" (also known as "WDYSIM") compares humanity to Rorschach inkblot tests using the New Petzval 80.5 f/1.9 MKII Bokeh Control Art Lens. Working with the Petzval by their side, let's delve into their making process and impressions of working with the lens.

Hi Smiles, welcome to Lomography Magazine! Can you start off by telling us a bit about yourself and your work?

Hi, hello, how ya doing? I’m Smiles, a 26-year-old, queer, film photographer caught somewhere between Los Angeles and San Diego. Initially I was drawn to photography as a form of self-preservation and emotional escapism. My art was birthed from the womb of despair and in its first year of life, my art lived and breathed only for me. Rather quickly my art became a bridge to other people. My confession of it all is that initially, I did not want to believe I could connect with some people. Yet much to my detest, my art pushed me closer to them. It demanded that I see the commonalities between us. Through creating art, I fell in love with people who I have nothing in common with. Now in its early adolescence, the purpose of my art is to connect with others.

Have you ever been at a concert or in a movie theater and looked around to realize you're surrounded by complete strangers? People with different political beliefs, sexualities, ethnicities, gender identities, different senses of style and flavors of humor, people who have absolutely nothing in common with you except for the fact that they are in the same space as you. Despite all your differences you both are here at the same show, dancing to the same song, crying to the same movie, drawn to the same creative experience. I’ve always found that to be my favorite part. To take a moment, pause and just look around at all the different people in the same space as me. Perhaps in another moment we would argue about our differences, but in this moment we are dancing to the same song. Art is a communion, a moment to step away from our perceived differences and connect over shared existence. That is why I create.

How did you initially get introduced to Lomography? What was the first product that you tried?

I was introduced to Lomography through fellow film shooters. I am very lucky to have a pretty strong analogue community around me and my community has always been my greatest teacher. The first product I tried was Lomography 800 35 mm film. As someone who shoots predominantly in dark spaces, the 800 ISO was a must for me, but the vibrant tones were the worm on the end of the fishing line. I was hooked.

What furthered my slight obsession with Lomography’s products was the Lomo'Instant Automat. The double exposure capability of the Automat is what initially drew me to the camera, but what was unexpected was the feeling I had when I heard the first hum of my photo being printed. To watch my photo be brought into existence, to be able to hold it while it develops, I felt like a dewy-eyed parent to their long awaited, first born child. Sounds dramatic, I know, but I’ve always been drawn to things I can hold and touch with my own hands. That camera has not left my side since purchasing it.

What made you decide to pick up the Petzval 80.5 lens?

I am going to out myself for a moment, but in all honesty the gear side of photography has always been daunting to me. In fact I go out of my way to avoid it. In all art mediums there seems to be technicalities and rules which many artists argue are of utmost importance. But in all honesty, I've never really found those entirely intriguing. A camera body and lens in a lot of ways feel like small talk at a party, almost a formality of respect without any depth. Whereas the conceptualization of a project and the connections I make with the subjects I shoot are these vibrant and vulnerable conversations which leave me breathless.

I must be honest, picking a lens for this project was probably one of the most confusing parts for me, a self-proclaimed gear dunce. With that being said, the Petzval 80.5 lens was unexpectedly the perfect match. The Petzval 80.5 is a prime lens which was ideal for my portraits and is absolutely seamless in switching apertures. Not to mention the 1.9 aperture was an incredibly tasty treat for my dimly lit studio to devour. Although I have always been one to proudly state gear doesn’t matter, I now add a little comma to the end of that statement and say “gear doesn't matter, but it does help.”

Can you tell us about your project WDYSIM?

I tend to struggle with putting words to my projects, so bear with me because this project starts with a story. About a year ago I moved to LA and I found myself at a party one Thursday night. I was mingling at the party, trying to make friends and the first group of people I interacted with loved me and I loved them. We chatted about LA egos, how nipples are older than our teeth, the movies they're working on, my photo projects, the struggles in pursuing creativity as a career etc. etc. The energy that gushed out of our conversation was warm, gooey and left me quite mushy. I continued to mingle, inflated with mushy feelings.

In that same hour, I found myself talking to another person about similar topics. I mentioned a project I was working on and the person’s reaction was something that could best be described as utter disgust. Now, I am not dramatizing this, but the girl looked me up and down with a nauseating stare and walked away from me. No words, just back turned and walked away. I was honestly bewildered by her response, slightly impressed at the bravado it takes to just mid sentence walk away from someone. The juxtaposition of her response and the group of people I was talking with was incredibly interesting and equally unnerving.

At the time, I was working at a therapeutic center for kids with various learning disabilities. I was in charge of art class and that week we were making Rorschach tests (also known as Ink blots). The kids and I would make the Rorschach test, let them dry and at the end of the day we would take turns saying what we saw in the ink blots. “I see a dragon” one would yell, “I see my pet hamster” another would say, and sometimes the kids would break into a heated debacle over who was “right”. I took time to talk about how they all are right. There is no wrong answer to what we see in the Rorschach tests, it's just our perception. I tried to explain the excitement behind the concept that two individuals can be looking at the exact same thing and see two very different things, but I think I may have been the only one genuinely enthralled by this. The kids returned to exclaiming what they saw in their colorful ink blots, but all I could think of was my interactions at the party a few nights back. I found myself dumbfounded and giddy at the question, am I merely a walking and talking Rorschach test?

How people perceive us is often tied to their own experiences in life and is not strictly anchored or reflective to who we are. How exciting! How relieving! How terrifying! As someone who struggles with anxiety, especially in social settings, this project was an attempt to instill in myself that what people see in me and how people perceive me, is quite frankly none of my business. What people see in me, you, us, is often due to their thousands of experiences they had before ever even meeting us. So do your thing lil walking and talking Rorschach tests because what people see in you is more likely a reflection of what is in them.

What was the process of making those photos like?

The process of these photos was a lot of trial and error. Initially the ink blots were made with colorful paint and then double exposed with human subjects. When the test shots came back, the 20-something old models looked like they belonged in a geriatric home. Through double exposing, the paint blended in with their skin tones creating this wrinkled effect on their faces. Once I finally started working out the kinks it became much smoother. I spent a couple days making ink blots on giant pieces of canvas paper, which I then brought to each shoot. I would allow my subjects to pick out the ink blots that spoke to them. I would ask them what they feel when they stare into the black ink and then prompt them to embody those emotions. The subjects would then be double exposed with the ink blot which they were embodying.

How did the Petzval lens compliment your vision for the series?

The Petzval lens was perfect for the studio shots of this project. I essentially needed models to be engulfed in darkness with only their faces lit up, so the f 1.9 aperture was an absolute must. The crisp nature of the lens and silky transitions between apertures made the entire shooting process feel fluid.

What is your favorite feature of the lens?

I feel like I'm beating a dead horse with how much I've talked about the wide aperture but I warned you, I'm no gear head. The aperture range is just so sexy. In the past year I dove into shooting concerts and the Petzval has braved through the venue pits with me numerous times and never failed to help me capture vibrant, crisp shots. While it was perfect for studio shoots, the versatility of this lens continues to deepen.

Do you have any tips or tricks for shooting with the Petzval lens?

With any new piece of gear I usually like to have a series of test runs. Shooting my ever so patient friends in different settings to familiarize myself with the gear’s works and quirks. Shoot your friends. Shoot your family. Shoot the weeds in the cracks of the sidewalk. Shoot trash that litters the street. Shoot anything that will hold space for you while you fumble along with a new piece of gear.

Do you have any upcoming photoshoots or projects that you can share with us?

Always. I am currently working on the finishing touches for this project, reaching out to local galleries to get a show on the calendar. I'm working with LA comedian Cara Connors, for promotional images for her comedy special, Straight for Pay. I am also working with LA musician, Emma Noren, for their upcoming single and EP artwork.

On a personal side, a new project has been simmering in my mind, almost boiling, but not quite. It is similar to the current project in the sense that the concept gravitates around human interaction. While this current project is meant to be liberating from anxieties, the next project in a lot of ways was inspired by a breakup that left me feeling tainted. The residue that people leave on us can sometimes create a nasty stain, which leaves you scrubbing long after they’re gone. I have begun working out the kinks of how those stains want to be captured, but I'm attempting to keep it on low heat until this current project is fully brought into fruition. I have a tendency to get creatively sidetracked, so for now, it simmers.

Is there anything else you'd like to share with our community?

Take your camera everywhere. Shoot everything. On the ugliest days, find something pretty and shoot it just to prove to yourself that the two can exist in the same life. Or better yet, find something ugly and shoot it. Ugly things make for beautiful art. Talk with strangers about creativity. Ask your friends to model for you, especially the shy ones. Ignore people who say you have to know the rules to make good art. Abolish the notion of there being such a thing as “good” art. Do a goofy dance when you get back shots you're excited about. Build a community around you with bricks of mutual curiosity and abundant compassion.

To create is to connect, let us create.

If you're interested in keeping up with Smiles and their creative journey, don't forget to check out their Instagram and website.

written by eloffreno on 2023-06-25 #gear #people #test #community #experimentation #identity